My sister-in-law emailed this to me, and I probably shouldn't find it so funny because I am a woman, but I think it is hilarious. This is almost 100% what I mean when I say these words to Curtis. Enjoy!
#1: Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
#2: Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
#3: Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
#4: Go Ahead: This is a dare, NOT permission. Don't Do It!!
#5: Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statment often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
#6: That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
#7: Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - this is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'...that will bring on a 'whatever').
#8: Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying *!@% YOU!
#9: Don't Worry About It, I Got It: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response, refer to #3.
I hope this brings smiles to women's faces everywhere!!! (If it offended anyone, please forgive me.)
Now & Later
3 months ago